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Friday, January 20, 2006

All the Bloodsuckers 


Finally, someone with conviction, morals and a nice set of teeth to run for governor in Minnesota.

My name is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy...

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During my time as Governor, drug dealers and users will live in fear. I
will introduce extremely harsh punishment for those who not only use
illegal drugs, I will fight to make dealers serve life in prison, or better
yet, Impalement.

Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am Governor, will find
out what the true meaning of my nickname 'The Impaler' means.
Right in front of our State Capital. Then Fed’s can take the terrorist’s
body from the impaling stake. If the US Department of Justice (DOJ)
wants to charge me with brutally murdering a terrorist, they may do so.
I do not see an American Jury convicting me.

I actually think it's brave for a vampire to step up and thrust himself into the public eye. It's just a shame that all the press conferences will have to be held at night. No, no. He's a Republican.


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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Racist Much? 


Do you want to be mathematically proven racist? This will do it. (Through Becky.) I got seven. Average.


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The Wall 


My friend Dania is back in Palestine, researching a story about the wall. It turns out that most of the people building this thing are, of course, Palestinians badly in need of a paycheck. So they find themselves building their own ethnic prison, of sorts. Here are some images of this thing. It's monstrous and the scope, the scale, is terrifying.

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Nice, huh? Just a small wall to keep some of the riff raff out. Like some nightmare, is what it is. Difficult to believe it's true and I can only imagine what Dania feels like, what they all feel like, watching their homes get slowly walled in.


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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Help America Vote (For Bush) 


One of the most common things I read on conservative blogs is how liberals never want to hear the facts. All they do is complain and blame, and yet they never show any facts to back their yelling up. Now, this is a tall order when you live in a world where George W. Bush is a good Christian, racism has been eradicated and Jesus designed the T-Rex a hundred years ago.

That said, one thing they (and most of America) refuse to admit is that there were, to say the least, irregularities in the 2004 elections. People have talked about missing ballots, long lines, wrong dates and wildly disproportionate voting percentages. Articles written, studies done, reports submitted, and yet no one seems to care. They want more facts, facts, apparently, which are only facts when they meet the criteria set out by the conservatives who want to see them, namely: 1) Bush is right 2) God is right 3) Big Business is right and therefore 4) I am right.

My friend Jim showed me this new report by the National Election Data Archive which seems to indicate -- which does indicate statistical discrepancies that cannot be explained away by chance.
1. In E/M precinct 27, with an estimated 100 respondents, Kerry’s official vote count was 29% less than his exit poll share, creating a 58% difference between Kerry and Bush exit poll and official vote margins. There is less than a one in 867,205,500 chance of this occurring due to chance.

2. In E/M precinct 25, with an estimated 62 respondents, Kerry’s official vote count was 28% less than his exit poll share, creating a 56% difference between Kerry and Bush exit poll and official vote margins. There is less than a one in 234,800 chance of this occurring due to chance.

3. In E/M precinct 48, with an estimated 100 respondents, Kerry's official vote was 16% less than his exit poll share, creating a 32% difference between Kerry and Bush exit poll and official vote margins. There is less than a one in 17,800 chance of this occurring due to chance.

Their abstract says they use "the most accurate statistical method yet devised for determining whether exit poll error, random variations, or vote count manipulation cause the discrepancies between exit polls and official vote tallies." Now, I know this isn't straight up fact, but it is math, and in some countries they'd accept things proven by math to be fact, at least when it comes to counting ballots and things like that. Will this change anything? No. It's just so those of us *knew* that 2004 was stolen can be able to gloat. To ourselves.

They close with these remarks.
New electronic voting equipment without voter verified paper ballots, implemented under the 2002 Help America Vote Act, makes it easier for a small number of people to manipulate vote counts and nearly impossible to independently audit vote count accuracy. Virtually every county in America today publicly reports its vote counts in a way that hides evidence of miscounts. This allows those with access (whether authorized or not) to manipulate or make mistakes in vote counting with negligible possibility of detection.


Oh, I'm sad.


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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Durrrr 


Don't hateful, racist conservatives ever stop to think about the fact that they're all white and the only ones like them are all white and that most other people in the world are not white? Even when it's satire?
Black politicians, celebrities, and business leaders alike agreed today that they are still by and large oppressed by The Man. Even though it is subtler and almost impossible to detect, racism still exists in every aspect of our society. Indeed, there is strong anecdotal evidence that we’re still living in 1950’s Mississippi. Mayor Nagin of New Orleans, for instance, knows a guy who knows a guy that couldn’t get a bank loan, then watched as a white man simply drove right up and loaded bags of money into his armored car. Oprah's white hairdresser constantly gives her an attitude, and my cousin’s best friend’s crack dealer was “dissed” at a Piggly Wiggly just this year. While he isn’t certain that it was racially motivated, it makes one wonder if society has progressed at all since Dr. King was gunned down by George Bush’s dad.

I think this would be humorous, again, if it wasn't so frighteningly ignorant, unaware and arrogant.


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Monday, January 16, 2006

Oscar de la Rant-a 


Every once in a while I come across this little twerp, Ben Shapiro, a precocious, straight-haired conservative who still wets his bed and is just adorable enough to somehow warrant publication across the Internet. I always forget he existed until I find him again, shake my head and say, "Oh, too bad he hasn't had an acne explosion or a wet dream or something to shake that grin off his little neocon face."

No one said it would be easy to be a Reaganite like our friend Ben. After taking some time off from Hilary and Harry, Ben is back to bashing Hollywood for a miunute. As normal people, it's hard for us to conceive, but Hollywood poses a real threat to Ben and his ilk. Can you imagine how it must make these terrified, hyper-sensitive, xenophobic, pansy-ass conservatives feel to see a movie with two gay cowboys possibly up for an Academy Award? You don't have to imagine: Small Fry tells us he's not watching the Oscars this year because he's too scared. Like a little scaredy cat. Because Hollywood is Pro- everything bad and he is everything good and to prove it he gives a little history.
Then, our illustrious decade: With great films scarce and politically mainstream Academy voters even scarcer, 2000 featured the victory of repulsive anti-suburbia and pro-homosexuality hit piece "American Beauty." Of course, it beat out a film lionizing an abortionist ("The Cider House Rules") and another attacking the tobacco industry ("The Insider"). Most disturbingly, the Academy handed Hilary Swank a Best Actress Oscar for playing a transgendered biological girl murdered by a bunch of hicks. And 2002 was the year of the African-American honorary Oscars, when Denzel Washington took home Best Actor for his decent if overrated performance in "Training Day" and Halle Berry took home Best Actress for her highly touted simulated orgasms in "Monster's Ball." In 2003, homosexual agenda films like "The Hours," "Frida" and "Far From Heaven" grabbed the largest share of nominations.

Wow. That is scary. He goes on and on and on and on and on. And on about how many impure amoral movies have been given Oscars solely because Hollywood is out to destroy America. He praises then bashes Steven Spielberg. He cannot stand the idea of transgender individuals and he is oh, so scared. I happen to hate the Oscars. I do think it's political, but more motivated by the politics of commerce than anything else. Yes, they like a cheesy human interest. Yes, Million Dollar Baby was drippy. Yes, a lot of movies suck. But these people -- they believe everyone is to be reduced to special interest groups and that all these little groups are slowly creeping up the stairs to rip their money from their wallets and ass-rape them or worse.

If he wasn't so arrogant, I'd be tempted to feel sorry for what's-his-face. I already forget his name and it's not really worth remembering, is it?

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Law 


As much as I wish the wiretapping, on top of Katrina and Plamegate and Jesus Christ Almighty everything else would actually stick, I doubt it will. It's nice that Arlen Specter mumbled the word impeachment recently, but that ain't enough. Bush is immune. He always will be immune because he's made immune in our imaginations. Even to those of us in the opposing camp, he is something else, an image, an idea, and you can't impeach images or ideas.

There's a lot of talk on the lefty blogs about what an idiot Chris Matthews is for saying that maybe it's part of the Presiden'ts job to break the law. While this looks like a ridiculous statement on its surface and it's difficult to see with the froth all in our eyes, in reality it's not.

Of course the President is above the law. He always has been, he always will be. Because power is wielded above the law. That is a fact of society and a rule in modern America. The laws are not for those who make them. They are to separate the powerful from the weak, to fill prisons, to maintain control over our lives and livelihoods and those privileged enough to be on the other side need not follow them. Let's not kid ourselves. We understand this. We've been raised to understand this. And, in another time, we may even tell ourselves that we'd want a Preisident who's not afraid to tweak and bend the rules, if he were a philosopher king and if we believed she was doing it for our benefit. It is part of the President's job to break the law to prove that he's president, that he belongs in the ruling elite, to exercise his right as such and to make the point that he is supreme. Power is image and the image must be maintained. All presidents are above the law until their political capital runs out or there's an opposing majority with a hair in its ass. And neither has happened here yet, not because it can't but because it won't. The image persists.

We do not live in a democracy and we never have. This is about history and power, not about wiretapping or some quaint little idea about the rule of law and representative government. This is the way people in power act and George W. Bush is in power. This is how kings act and George W. Bush is a king. In a romantic scenario, people would realize that things are not as they should be in America, but in real life, I think they already know. I think we're already programmed to be good workers and quiet, nonviolent members of our consumer society and I think that no one wants to think about it. Far from any epiphanies wrapped in red, white and blue, I think America is cautiously dozing off, groggy from a national dose of Zoloft.

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