Sunday, September 05, 2004

Good News, USA! 

In George W. Bush's America, we've all learned to expect the expected. Be it ruthless greed, contempt for the environment or regressive taxes, we can always expect the same heartless action. At least they're consistent, which is more than we can say for that pandering, sniveling, pussy-whipped Frenchman John Kerry. I mean, the man has more flip flops than a Hawaiian beach bum!

But seriously, folks. One thing we've all been expecting is, paradoxically, a "surprise."

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (AP) - The United States and its allies have moved closer to capturing Osama bin Laden in the last two months, a top U.S. counterterrorism official said in a television interview broadcast Saturday.

"If he has a watch, he should be looking at it because the clock is ticking. He will be caught," Joseph Cofer Black, the U.S. State Department coordinator for counterterrorism, told private Geo television network.

"What I tell people, I would be surprised but not necessarily shocked if we wake up tomorrow and he's been caught along with all his lieutenants. That can happen because of the programs and infrastructure in place," he told Geo.

Hmmm. Surprise! And Osama comes jumping out of a cake, frosting smeared all over his beard! (Via Damfacrats.)

Looks like there may be some preparation going on here. Or maybe they're just trying to keep Osama in our minds. Or maybe it's disinformation, and Osama is windsurfing with Dick Armitage in Bali.

All I know is all kinds of dirty tricks are in the works. Dirty, filthy little tricks by nasty, crusty little boys in evil old man costumes.



Hey you. Yeah you, with the teeth! What have you done for your country lately -- besides seeing Anacondas? Well, here's one small thing you can do. Our friend Steve is trying to raise a sawbuck or two (that's folksy slang, y'all) for America Coming Together, the evil liberal organization that hates freedom but did make this Will Ferrell commercial. In case you don't know, Will Ferrell is a baby-killing comedian, who, if give the opportunity, would impose a humor tax on every American while dismantling the military and allowing gay men to play softball. Against other gay men.


So, if you hate America, and you want to do your part to tear away at the very fabric of this great land, send a five or ten spot to ACT. And tell 'em Steve sent you.


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